you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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