these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
