yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
