i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
