Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
