You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
