hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think my fart just growled at me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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