Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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