remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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