dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
