So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
