You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
