Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
