All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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