Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize