hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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