Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
