I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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