I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
