She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize