My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
