rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
