Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
