I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize