24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
