Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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