I wish I could teleport
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
