her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
