I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
