she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
