found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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