i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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