She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
