i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just cropdusted the office
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
