I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
