What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
