I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
