Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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