She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
3pm strippers are depressing
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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