He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
