Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
