I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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