The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
