you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
