the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
