I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We need a shit load of segways right now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
