Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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