I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think my vagina is haunted
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
