Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
