you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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