I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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