from now on my penis is your penis
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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