I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize