Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
