I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
