Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
did you just send me my own nude
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
