Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
