who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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