I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
