Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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