I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
