Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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