I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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