Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
