I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
