I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
