DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
