I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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