We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
