"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
