Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
