you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
