hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
