it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
