So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
