another moral hangover. fuck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
