I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
