i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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