I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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