nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize