AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
