Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
