If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
