I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
