I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
