I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
