just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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