She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
