i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize