All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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