trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
