saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
