Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
