I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
