lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just cut my nipple shaving
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
