Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
