pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
