True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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